I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
