He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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