I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
