Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
