Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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