Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
