This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the day after is always just damage control
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
