yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
