so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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