I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
