The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Damn victory sex feels great
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
