Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
