so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
