oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
