You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
