Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
