The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
