please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the liver wants what the liver wants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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