okay pat passed out under dana's car
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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