clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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