You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
