A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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