But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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