I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
