so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
