Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
