If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
