I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You took a bar mat shot.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
