so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
