my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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