i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
