Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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