I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
