Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
