Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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