I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
