At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
