And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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