despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
