I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
