She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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