So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
