Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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