So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
