You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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