what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
