His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
