? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Randomize
