what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
