do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
