Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
