So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
