So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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