I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
