where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
